24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
Proverbs 12:26 New International Version (NIV)
26 The righteous choose their friends carefully,
As I am writing this blog I have the 2002 song by busted in my head…”slipping through my fingers now she’s gone…” I tell you, the 90’s and early 2000’s had the sweetest songs ever!
I feel the need to blog today about falling out of friendships, growing apart with friends and basically- friends slipping through your fingers! Can you really prevent that from happening or has friendship passed the expiration date?
I have so many friendship stories but the most painful was one concerning my then best friend of many years. We were best friends since the first grade and we were book worms. So we stuck together- with our socially awkward and nerdy selves. We did absolutely everything together and we spoke about getting married, walking down the aisle at each other’s wedding etc. Perhaps that was wishful thinking, because it never happened.
Once we went to college, we got into many heated arguments regarding sex, relationships etc. I think this was the time we were growing apart but I must have been blindsided, I did think we could repair our friendship. Later in that first year of college she sent me a break up email. YES! Lol. She said that she felt like I was not a good friend etc. It was heart wrenching to read the email. I know that when we were together we acted like we were kids again, but she probably viewed it as childishness. We had a deep connection and it was so sad to see the demise of what was a beautiful relationship.
That same year, I moved to America and we never got the opportunity to speak about what happened. We remain distant friends, but not best friends.
I have seen a pattern in my life, especially when I rekindled my relationship with Jesus. I feel like the old unfruitful relationships were uprooted and replaced with spiritually healthy ones. It is so hard when I see the old ones go, but I know that spiritually there is a change and physically there must be a change too. How can it be that you are friends with someone for so long, then one day you wake up and it is as If your friend learned a foreign language? It is as if your network service provider switched you to a different line. You simply cannot understand the other person.
I have been on both ends of the spectrum. The one of being the stagnant one in a friendship and the friendship gets severed and vice versa. Whatever end you are on trust me, it is not pretty.
Lastly, please remember to value your friends. Do not treat them like dirt. I had a friend back in 1998-2000. She had epilepsy and she connected with me spiritually. She was saved and we would speak about Jesus and the word of God. I however was afraid of being seen together with her as people had labeled her a misfit. I wish my parents counseled me about friendships, because this one has left me with some guilt. My friend left to go to a different school that better equipped to work around her condition. 1 year later I could not stop thinking about her. That was when the music teacher walked in and informed us that my friend passed away earlier that day, she was 13 years old. She drowned in her bathtub. I cried when the teacher shared that her bible was found in tatters. She read the word of God back to back and she was at peace. I would like to visit her family in Kenya and tell them how I loved their daughter. It has been 14 years! But I still remember my beautiful friend.
With this new light that I have, I pray that it shines on long lasting friends. Spiritually sound individuals who will not leave after a season but stay forever. Help me value my friends and show them how much I appreciate them. Amen!